Tuesday, August 31, 2004
failures are inevitable. jux be strong and trudge on soldier.
u noe how many times in our lives tat we encounter failures and wat nots? the anwser is many many. yep. countless too be exact. you may find difficulties in believing tis or even facing them eventually, but still you've to. no second choice given here. sad as it may sounds, but tis is how life works for us, gotta learn to be strong the hard way.
you are a hero in your heart.
at most times, failures comes only bcos you were careless, or when you werent giving your best as you claimed to, although tis might contradicts at times also. and when it comes up to you, face-to-face, more often than not you jux try to escape from it. seriously i tell you, there's no point in tis runaway. for failures are like your shadow, they follow you wherever you go. so you may run run and run for all you care, but it's still there. waiting for you. so gather your courage pple, and face it with your heart.
Can't believe that I'm the fool again,
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know?
You never told me
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know?
You never told me.
Monday, August 30, 2004
- Shadow by Ashlee Simpson -
I was six years old
When my parents ran away
I was stuck inside a broken life
I couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door
Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me
All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity
So if you're listening
There's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry-
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Oh, my life is good
I've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past in the past
I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day
I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me
Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day
updates...
went to suntec today with pearlin and yanfang. actually was too tired to go out shopping cos my eyes hurts bloody lots fer dunno wat shit reasons. but then i've to get my sista's bdae present. so still, i dragged myself out lah. anyway, finally, after much searching i managed to find one decent present fer her. thought of getting something fer myself too, but didn saw anything i fancy. sigh. oh ya, went to the computer and electronics stuff fair at the convention hall too. omg! its so bloody squeezy there man. its like all pple were rushing in afraid to losing out to others fer the cheap mp3 and wat nots bargains. typical singaporeans. hah.
anyway, i saw edelina jie there! oh my dearie sister, u actually could see me in the midst of so many pple and exhibition stalls! tat shows you've got very powerful eyes
0_0! cos yanfang said tat if i ever get lost, she'll find it very difficult to spot me among the crowd cos im too small size lah. good or bad? :P u noe, i actually didnt saw her coming, fer some reasons tat i cant mention on my blog, cos if i do, she KILL me!!!
-lolx- but then she saw me lah and called out to me, caught by surprise at first, but ended up hugging each other cos we soo uber long time neva see each other liao!
-lolx- eh jie, i nearly couldnt recognise u cos you're in ur specs! new one? maybe im used to seeing u in contacts le!
-lolx-
Friday, August 27, 2004
im learning to be strong. yes i am. trying so hard every minute every second to be strong. telling non-stop to myself tat i must be. but it's difficult. tell me, how can i be?
people used to tell me tat as you grow older, you'll automatically learn how to be strong. pointing out tat the process of growing up will teach you, if not mould you to become a stronger being. how easy they sound. but how, jux how. tell me. i want to know. and although i dun deny the fact tat the growing up days will more or less contribute in building up ur mentalilty strength, yes they do, but there's jux simply no absolute guarantee to it. say, even if life were to put you to some kind of sterns tests, how sure are you tat you'll overcome it and come out a better and stronger person? the answer is
"it depends". maybe yes to those rares ones who almost always could overcome the odds and learn their mistakes, thereby emerging a stronger soul. these kinda pple jux have so much believe in themselves tat they rarely fail. but it's gonna be hard. it's not tat easy as it may seems, it takes alot of courage and, it takes perseverence too.
so wats the definition of being strong? does being able to carry heavy weights counts? or does it means tat we must not have tears if we wan to be considered as strong? the definitions available and applicable are so wide and full of complications. maybe to put it in simple words, according to me, being strong means being able to face ur fears, ur mistakes and lastly having the courage to stand up again and again after every fall or failure. gee tat sounds abit mission impossible yeah? but then, there're still pple who could do it.
-salutes- and then again, jux how strong is strong? any idea? i had none. maybe its up to each mind to define.
but then again, being strong alone is not enough. you gotta have supports too. remember the line saying
"even the strongest will fall at times to the odds"? it goes to support the sentence before it. but one thing, supports are hard to find. and sadly, they rarely lasts. life's really full of weird happenings and stuffs, and they love to take away wat we needed most. kinda trying to test us? oh i rather skip them all.
:)
when all seems over and you begin to think tat there's no more hope, jux remember tat rainbow comes out only after the storm.
-zhutou-
in my rwps class now. ah ma's (regina) is beside me now. it's so boring man. and the thought of doin the project and having to hand in it so soon is driving me nuts.
-pulls hair-
anyway, im beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel now. the project's is nearing its end. wahoo! a little more time and i'll be done and over with it!
-smiles-
Ability is to believe, when everything seems lost.
feeling a sense of relief. thank god you're there.
-smiles-
nice song below. taken from joanne's bloggie.
laava wherever you are by Innosense
When I feel blue, I think of you, cause you're true,
Wherever you are.
Near or far, you still are my shining star.
Sometimes it's mad, things get bad, and I'm sad,
Wherever you are,
there is light, by my side I feel alright.
Because our love is big, bigger then the two of us.
And words can not describe, how I miss you so much.
I feel love in your arms, and I feel love when im with you.
I feel love in your eyes, wherever you may be.
You make me high; I can fly, touch the sky,
Wherever you are.
I feel free in ecstasy, just you and me.
You save my day, pave the way, and you stay,
Wherever you are.
In my heart from the start we'll never part.
Because our love is big, bigger then the two of us.
And words can not describe, how I miss you so much.
I feel love in your arms (in your arms), and I feel love when im with you.
I feel love in your eyes, wherever you may be (wherever you may be)
(Wherever you are...)
(I feel love?
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la?
(Wherever you are?...
Thursday, August 26, 2004
been busy these days with projects and stuff. rushing here and there to get them done always. and the worst is, this is jux the beginning! so means there's more and more to come! omg! can faint already...
many many birthdays are on their way already, so which means i need ta start saving money fer all da presents liao! oh gosh. jux realised how broke i actually am now. pathetic state of cash flow. im experiencing tat now. low cash man!!! sigh.
Walking through time looking for an answer
How can it be this way
What have I done, I just can't help but wonder
How everything could change
'Cause you've turned my world around
Sunday, August 22, 2004
im bloody pissed of right now.
jux witnessed the fall of our singapore's
LI JIA WEI in the table-tennis bronze medal match to korea's KIM dunno wat. bloody hell. the way the korean was playing alone made my blood pressure shot all time high. her pace's so bloody slow and she's all the way playing a defendsive game. shit her lah. i bet she purposely played tat way to irritate JIA WEI's style of attacking. confirm. arsehole. im begining to
DONT LIKE the koreans (table-tennis players) now. especially those with names starting with KIM and end with dunno wat shit de players. shit them lah. everytime i see them playing against us, i dun feel good. i jux dun. and whether they're from north or south, doesnt matters much. reason? simple. our whole table-tennis olympics team was kena kicked out by either the north or south koreans. damn it. will somebody tell me the reason why? and why the olympics officials set the koreans to play with us almost everytime? eh purposely isit?!?! bloody banana shit crap.
maybe we could've won it, but we jux dun have the composure.
JIA WEI could've won the match. but sadly she couldnt adapt to the korean's defendsive style of play. and can see tat she's trying to score for every hit. but wats really disappointing was her attacking which saw alot of points lost. and bcos of all the frustration and pressure she had on her, and she couldnt manage them well enuff, which ultimately results in her lost to the korean. couldnt blame her, imagine you alone carrying whole singapore's hopes on your shoulder. how heavy will tat be? very heavy i tell you.
we didnt do badly to say. in fact, we did pretty well. upsetting world seeded number two WANG NAN wasnt easy, JIA WEI showed great attacking skills. applaud pls. the road wasnt trudge on with ease, we overcome many huge obstacles before reaching toady's stage. though we didnt manage to win anything. there lesson's to be learn. Beijing2008 awaits all of us. for JIA WEI, it'll be another try at the olympics medal, and hopefully she'll get it tis time round. she will.
jia wei: though you've failed to realise our long-awaited dream of a olympics medal, you've did well enough to get our names onto the world stage. we're proud of you and be sure tat we'll always be there to cheer you on. and you're always my idol! jia you!
perseverence is wat takes man to the top.
Saturday, August 21, 2004
life's not granted
in life, it's always a mission impossible to have everything you wanted or had wished for. remember, life's not granted, and you cant have everything your way. definitely. and tat's exactly wat failures and disappointments are trying hard to portray to us. but nevertheless, efforts should still be put in during the struggle to obtain, even though they might jux ended up weak against the tides. so you might be thinking tat why should we even bother to try in the first place when we jolly well know ourselves tat the chances of success are slim or maybe even almost none? but then again, success comes after hardwork. it never fails to be like tis. most pple succeeded only after numerous tries and its their perseverence and belief tat brought them success eventually. if you're not willing to try even, you can never ever succeed in life. mark my words.
"I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had."
ripped tat off somewhere and i seriously think tis is sth really worth pondering about. the truthfulness of the sentence is almost unquestionable but yet its logically undefined. and it never fails to draw a moment of headache to pple who read it. dunno why but somehow or watever, im pretty puzzled but yet at the same time able to fully understood the meaning or feeling the sentence is trying to portray. say, how could you possibly lose something you never had? when you dun even know how it feels to own it at the first place?! ok, shall consider taking tat back. cos maybe you can dream of owning it sometimes. hah. but to give it a serious thought, when you really lost tat thing you never ever had or someone who was never yours, the pain in ya heart simply cant be scribble down in words or sentences. it's something more than tat, maybe even worse than of tat feeling of melancholy.
:(
i knew that this moment would come in time
that I'd have to let go and watch you fly
i know you're coming back so why am i dying inside
are you searching for words that you can't find
trying to hide your emotions but eyes don't lie
guess there's no easy way to say goodbye
i'll be standing at the edge of the earth
hoping that someday you'll come back again
i'll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping for someday
someday
don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say
i don't want to let you leave this way
i want you to know that I'll stand right by your side
Sunday, August 15, 2004
finally the two ever-hated papers are over.
*phew* no more last minute cramming of HR functions and accounting theories into my little piggy brainy anymore.
*winks* well, at least for now. but then again, i've got presentations and lots of reports to submit over these few weeks. sigh. poly life is soo hectic. bloody banana. cant even relax for a moment. :(
hang in there, help will come soon.
when will it arrive for me??? *eyes rolling*
It don't matter that your car is fly
And your rims are spinning on the side and
It don't matter where we go tonight
Cause if I'm with you I'll be alright.
That's cool but I'm lookin for more
Its your love that my heart beats for.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
let's see, hmm i've got two CAs coming right up on tis sat, FMA and HRM. and then i've got to hand in the SSM report on the 20th of aug which is so bloody hell near!!! the biggest problem now is tat i haven got the mood to actually sit down quietly and study! well, not yet. maybe maybe when its real frigging near then i start to burn all da midnight oil.
*sigh*
im simply tired of everything.
Each time by E-17
Have you heard of the saying for those who are playing
You don't know what you've got till it's gone
Well that was my calling, i knew i was falling
Into something that would be so wrong
But i caught hold of myself and changed for the better
I can't get you out of my mind
Cause something inside made me realise you were fine
Each time when we're alone, i guess i didn't know
How far we were apart, should've spoken to my heart
I guess i didn't know that each time you'd go away i'd cry
I can't take all these good-byes
I know from this feeling, deep inside there's healing
I know that i'm in control
Every day i am yearning, this love i feel burning
Burning right through my soul
So let's make a start of something that cannot be broken
The mould is so strong, treat this love as a child
That grows into something worthwhile
Deep, love so deep, deep love so deep, yeah
I can't take all these good-byes
Faithfully i will be, you will see, please believe me
I can't take all these good-byes
All the time we were alone
Guess i should've really know
Baby you have always been mine
Monday, August 09, 2004
the pressure's too heavy down here.
can take it no more.
the exams are so uber near and shit! i still knows near
N.U.T.S about all my exams topics. oh god, tell me wat am i gonna do? i seriously felt like crying now man. arghz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feeling shitty right now. my mind is in a whirl. there's far too many things tat i need ta handle tis week and next and maybe the week after next also. far too much matters and rules tat i need to bear in mind. too much. too much already. and i tink my tiny little piggy brain of mine gonna go
K.A.B.O.O.M.Z anytime. help anyone?
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
free from worries...
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Worrying won't do you any good.
Listen hard everybody. When you start to worry, it's a sign that you'll encounter much difficulty in doing a good job later on. Because when you're worrying, your mind is in a whirl, although I wouldn't say that it'll be in a complete whirl, but definitely you're sort of confused. As in your mind would be trying its best to figure out all the ways to get a job done well, but in the process, it's making you even more confused then ever too. Subconsciously, its mixing everything up, which spells more trouble, more work. So, why not stop all those trouble, don't make yourself worry that much. Don't make your little brain work overtime. It's already so small, oh my goodness, don't add some more pressure to it please.
Free your mind
I heard this from one of my Christian friend "the today is the tomorrow you're worrying about yesterday". And I think sometimes, we're really wasting our precious time by worrying for the things that haven't yet arrived. Although I agree very much with the point that we should plan ahead instead of waiting quietly, I can't quite convince myself to accept the idea of spending everyday worrying for things that will only happens the next day. Though it might be necessary in some cases, it's not a good thing to exercise. And remember, don't let worrying becomes one of your daily habits. It'll definitely do you more harm than good.
Actions will help more than thoughts
disappointments
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
When too many disappointments hit you at one go, even the greatest will fall.
But dont be afraid to stand up again.
All you need to do is to tell yourself I CAN DO IT.
Disappointments are parts and parcels of life. In fact, life consists of so many of them. Yes, countless of them. They're like hateful obstacles, they tries to stop you from trudging on further. But they arent meant to put you down totally, but here to help you become a stronger being. And because of them, you're able to learn your lesson in life and eventually gather enough courage to bring yourself to face the even more tedious roads in life. Though they might taste bitter at first, but when the time is ripe, they'll taste as sweet as sugar. It is life's test, to want you contribute and give your best and all first, before you can get a taste of the fruitful returns. Remember?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Disappointments can hurt you big time. Yes they do, but ultimately it's for your own benefit that they hurt. So, quit complaining, especially when it's doing you so much good by trying to bring your mental and inner strength to greater heights. They provide you with training lessons to help you deal with the harder falls which you may encounter down the road. And when disappoints come knocking on your door, dont just let your emotions flow. Stay calm, stay compose. Life will have its way, and everything will turn out just fine. Trust me, or at least trust yourself.
When we met up with disappointments, there's a high likelihood of us to question things that were already past. It's pointless, dont you guys think so? Why bother to question the methods, the people, when the wrong is already done? Moreover, it's important for us to question ourselves, on why we failed or made that silly mistake. We should ask not why it failed, but how it failed. And we're disappointed not because the plan failed, but why we made such a mistake.
Disappointments are inevitable.
Don't try to escape from them when you know deep down you can't.
-zhutou-
im really getting tired.
if i could just see you
everything would be all right
if i could see you
this darkness would turn to light
open up your mind...
Monday, August 02, 2004
more often than not we focused so much and so regretfully on the closed doors tat we failed to realise the other doors tat have been opened for us.
oh man, tis sentence is so downright true i tell u. it happens almost everytime without fail. and even the greatest of all mankind will fall to tis theory. no doubt.
but looking at the theory, i tink it's trying to emphasise on the weakness of mankind. agrees with me? it sort of try to put out human nature, or rather it is already doin tat. like when things goes wrong, or when those wat-we-tink are available options to us are closed, it's natural fer us to start panicking like ants on da hot pot, and eventually gave up on da subject. most of us, or maybe all of us, with the exception of a few clear-minded aliens, would jux sit down there and cry or complain about jux everything. and then we gradually moved on to da next stage of human nature, which is starting to find faults within ourselves. tat's bad. cos when tat happens, nothing good will come out of everything. believe it or not, we done tat all subconsciously. and noticed, we've done everything except trying to look fer alternatives. we didnt even bother to take a look at other opened doors. why?
are our brains really tat incapable of turning bents or wat?
when you cant even trust yourself and your own abilities, you jux cant do anything right. -zhutou-
at certain times, when we're feeling melancholy, our eyes and mind jux automatically shuts out all our other available alternatives or options. it jux happens so naturally. i would say its part of our human nature. and during those gloomy times, we normally tend to focus alot more on da bad sides of everything tat we missed out wat could actually be gd for us. but then again, all these can be prevented. yep. only if our eyes could settle themselves more on da brighter side of things and focus less on da darker sides. logical? yes, quite logical actually. hah.
believe in yourself
whatever you can DREAM, you can ACCOMPLISHED.
